Wonderland
by sarcasticSadism
Summary: As a new year rolls around, first years to Ouran Academy start piling up, and The Host Club continues with great success, as new faces come by. And one of these fresh-faces, who goes by the name Dai, gets heavily involved, whether he had to or wanted to or not.
1. Down The Rabbit-hole

**Wonderland**

**Chapter 1: Down the Shit-hole**

Yelps, groans, and scoffs were left in my wake as I sped past my fellow peers. I slowed as I approached the entrance and kicked up my skateboard and walked inside. Following the map I had drawn earlier—since I knew I was going to be lost in a huge fucking place like this. I walked through the massive, albeit extremely clean, halls, trying to find class A-1.

"Excuse me! Sir, with the hat?"

I looked around, finding whoever was calling me. The woman was wearing a khaki suit and her brown heels made clanking noises as she walked toward me, which was muffled by the clamouring students crowding the halls. I recognized her as one of the principal's secretaries in the academy. She must have been set in charge of the hall-patrolling duty to make sure the first day went smoothly.

"Is there a problem?" I asked when she stopped before me.

"I'm sorry, but I am going to have to confiscate your hat and skateboard," she said, sounding apologetic. "The hat is out of uniform and students aren't allowed to carry anything that isn't school- or class-related on their person during class hours."

I reach up toward my hat and touched it for a second, sad to have to let it go, before taking it off and handing it, and my skateboard, over to the woman. "So, when can I get these back?"

"Since it's the first day, and you're new here, you may pick them up after school," she said, then giving my hair a critical eye. "And you might want to fix your hair. There are no rules or discrimination against students doing whatever they want with their body, but I don't think _rainbow _is a professional hair color."

With that said, she walked off with my shit. Whelp that sucked.

_Why she gotta be a bitch, though? My hair's perfectly fine. Besides, it's honestly not like I go to school to fucking look "_professional_", _I thought as I went back to hunting down my class.

XIII

I was one of the last few who managed to enter the room before class started, but that didn't count for much since everyone inside were as loud as a fucking pack of hungry monkeys. I fought my way through herds of students and sacked the only empty seat I saw. It was in front of a raggedy-looking chick with these huge glasses. She was holding her head on her hands, while covering both her ears, seeming to be concentrating hard on a book while trying to tune out everybody around her. She must hate the noise as much as I do. Thank _gawd_ I'm not the only one.

I took my seat just as the teacher walked in, finally silencing the wild animals all around me. I sighed contently at the silence. I, along with the rest of the class, took out our notebooks and began to take notes.

The teachers came and went after each class until lunch came around. Everybody got up and headed toward the cafeteria while I, on the other hand, stayed put in class and look out the sandwich I made that morning and started munching on that. Then, seeing as there weren't any teachers or any other authority figures around to berate me, I turned and slumped in my chair, kicking up my feet on to the seat next to me. It was then that I noticed that the raggedy girl behind me was still there, giving me a curious look.

I just looked at her, finished my sandwich, and shrugged. "Yo."

"…Hi."

"I take it you don't like being around all the rich people?"

"Nope," she said this with as much disdain I had in the particular subject. "I take it you don't either?"

"Hell no. From what I've seen so far is that most, if not all, of these rich bastards are loud as fuck."

I noticed her blank look, like she's trying to hold an opinion back. I realized what it must have been and laughed light-heartedly. "Sorry about my, uh, _selective _language. I've never been in a very formal environment in my life, so I don't have much of a filter when it comes to bad words."

She gave a small snort before chuckling. "It's fine. I've been in a quiet neighborhood most of my life, but I have been to public school, so I know how it goes with other people."

"Good!" I smiled from ear to ear. "Oh, by the by, I never introduced myself. The name's Dai Deon, but just call me Dai." I sat up straight and held out my hand for her to shake.

"I'm Haruhi Fujioka. It's nice to meet you, Dai," she smiled and shook my hand.

"Haruhi, I have the feeling that this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

And with that, we continued to talk about any random thing that happened to come through our minds. Near the end of the lunch break we ended up talking about academics, classes, school, and certain subjects we are complete shit in.

"I honestly feel the same way about math. It sucks so hard."

Haruhi gave me a nod in agreement. "Yup."

I suddenly got an idea. "Hey, how about we tutor each other? We could help each other with Math and other subjects!"

Haruhi looked down in thought, idly stroking her bottle of water. After a few seconds, she nodded. "Sounds like a good idea. We could start today if you have the time."

"Sure. I have nothing to do at home. But I do have to pick up my hat and skateboard from the office, since they got confiscated before I got to class."

She just shrugged. "That's okay. You can get your stuff and I'll find a quiet place where we can study."

"Ha. Good luck with that," I snorted. "Just come and find me in front of the office when you actually managed to find a place, or when you give up."

"Alright."

The lunch bell then rang throughout the school and students started to file back inside the class. Everything went along as it should until the end of the day. When the bell sounded, I packed my bag and stood. I looked back at Haruhi and smiled, I was about to say something if it weren't for a kid with ginger hair trying to shove his way through my shoulder. I would have cursed him out for it too if it weren't for his instant disappearance out the door with his…twin, I think? Whatever, he's a prick.

"Fucking asshole rich kids," I mumbled before turning back to Haruhi. "Anyway, I'll be going to the office now. You start your quiet place hunt."

Haruhi stood up, grabbing her bag while nodding. "Okay. I'll come and get you when I find one."

"I love it when a plan comes together."

XII

Haruhi walked around the halls, looking inside every room trying to find at least _one _quiet room to study. She scoured the entirety of the first and second floor with no luck. She was already halfway through the third floor when she started to get irritated.

_Damn it! _Four _libraries and this place is _still _too crowded, _she thought bitterly, her hand threatening to crumple her notebooks with her increasing aggravation-induced strength. _Is everyone here just coasting or something? I mean, if you don't want to study, just go home! _

She sighed, trying to calm herself down. There's no point in getting angry over something you can't necessarily control, right? She stopped in front of a pair of huge double doors. A glance at the sign above told her that this was the unused music room. She somehow doubted it, but she decided it wouldn't hurt to at least see if it was as "unused" as she heard it to be.

_Maybe there won't be anyone in here_, she thought, opening the door and taking a peek inside. _Hopefully Dai doesn't think I ditched—Whoa, what the—_

"Welcome!"

XIII

"Okay, next time you can put your skateboard in one of the lockers in the school's gym, but I'm afraid you are going to have to leave your hat at home though."

"I understand. Thank you for keeping them safe for me!"

I walked out of the office after talking to another, _nicer_, secretary. I held my skateboard under my arm and I put my hat on with my free hand. I looked around in search of any sign of Haruhi, but there was none. _She must be taking a long time trying to find a place_, I thought, deciding to stay put and wait for her.

I looked at my watch. About half an hour has passed and still no sign of Haruhi. Was there an emergency? Did she give up and forget to get me? Maybe her dad picked her up unexpectedly and didn't have time to tell me? Whatever the case, I wasn't going to stand around like an idiot waiting for another half hour. If anything, she would tell me tomorrow during lunch. With that in mind, I set my board down and headed home.

The next day went just as it did the day prior, the only change were just the set of classes for the day. Soon it was lunchtime again; I had the same thing I had yesterday and sat the same as well. The moment I turned to look at Haruhi, who was giving me a slight frown. I raised a brow, waiting for her to explain what happened yesterday.

"Dai, sorry for ditching you yesterday, I ended up in an…unwanted situation," she said after a few seconds.

I sat right back up the moment she stopped talking. "What happened? Bullies? You didn't get hurt did you?"

Haruhi shook her head. "No, no, no! Far from it."

"Well, start explainin'!"

And explain she did. She told me that when she was on the third floor searching for a place for us to study, she ended up in front of the supposed "abandoned" third music room. Needless to say, it wasn't as abandoned as it was let on. Apparently there was this Host Club that uses the room after school, and Haruhi ended up breaking a super expensive vase and now she's basically their bitch until she could pay them back.

I could only look at her in pure sympathy. "You poor thing! You've practically become their maid!"

"Well, when you say it like _that _you can make things sound a lot worse than they really are…"

"It is as bad as I make it sound! You've just signed your soul to a group of G-rated male prostitutes!"

"_Dai!_"

"_What? _It's true!"

We looked at each other with the most serious faces we could muster before just cracking up uncontrollably. By the time we stopped my stomach and face were hurting and there were tears in my eyes. I took a few gulps from a bottle of water I had with me to try to calm myself of the hysteria. In these few seconds of calming myself, I thought of something that would possibly be the worse idea ever.

"Hey, Haruhi," I started, trailing off a bit.

"Yeah?"

"How about I help you with your debt? Don't give me that look; I'm not offering to pay it in full—I don't even have that kind of money. What I'm trying to say is to literally help you help this Whore Club or whatever to pay off your debt."

"I don't know… One of the guys there—I think his name was Kyoya?—is kind of in charge and he's not very lenient."

I just gave Haruhi a smile. "Don't worry, buddy. They _will _let me help eventually; I'm a very persistent person."

Haruhi only chuckled and shook her head. "I'm sure you are, Dai, I'm sure you are."

XIII

By the time the last class ended, Haruhi was suddenly swept away by the twins in class. I think they're part of that club she was talking about, but geez, they're bigger assholes than I first thought! Now I'm _definitely _going to this club thing. God knows what they're going to do to that poor girl.

I grabbed my bag and shoved my way through the massive crowds of my fellow peers. After what felt like ages fighting the crowds, I managed to get to the stair case and to the third floor. I stood at the entrance of the hall and looked around. _Was the music room at the end of that hall, just near the end, or maybe around the middle? Shit, I don't remember, _I thought, starting to pace slowly, reading each sign I passed. Eventually, by the end of the hall, I found the place. I totally knew it was at the end of hall the whole time. Shut up.

I grabbed onto the handle and slowly opened the door and took a peek inside. The room was huge in comparison to regular classrooms. There were sections of tables, chairs and couches scattered around the room, and they were all occupied by girls. Lots and lots of girls. At each station there was at least one or two guys; they're most likely the members of the club. I stuck my head further in looking for Haruhi. I saw her with some blond dude and the twins ways off from where I was. The blond guy seems to be rather…depressed and abused by the twins quite a bit. Why, exactly?

"Um, excuse me, are you going in? We need to get inside!"

I looked behind me and saw the tallest dude I have possibly ever seen. He had a monotone look on his face and didn't look like much of a talker and if he did start talking I doubt it would be with that high-pitched voice I just heard. The kid on his back would be better suite.

I snapped out of my train of thought and stepped aside. "Sorry."

"It's okay! Are you nervous or somethin'? We won't bite!"

"We? You mean _you're_ part of this club?! But—"

"Takashi and I are third years," he said as if he was used to people confusing him for a little kid, which wouldn't surprise me. He then gave a huge and happy smile. "How about you come in with us? We could introduce you to the rest of the members!"

"Uh, no that's okay. I just came to see Haruhi…"

"You know Haru-chan?! Come on come on!"

I then suddenly found myself inside the third floor music room. I felt really out of place here; most of the ladies around me were giving my hair a disapproving look. I averted any and all eye contact with the girls and cleared my throat a bit.

"Sorry we're late, guys," the small third year announced. "I fell asleep waiting for Takashi to finish kendo! Still a bit sleepy, though…"

He rubbed his eyes and gave a big yawn then proceeded to flop himself onto the lap of one of the squealing girls, making all the other girls around them squeal. All I could do was stare and start to doubt if this guy was really a third year at all. I looked around for Haruhi again and saw her talking to that blond guy; it seemed that his funk has passed since no one was paying attention after awhile. The small, but older, kid noticed and ran toward Haruhi.

"Haru-chan, Haru-chan! I found your friend outside the club room! I think he wants to talk to you," he exclaimed. Apparently my presence here is super hype, or he's just excited all the goddamn time.

"Oh? Another man-lover customer?!"

I could only stare at the blond with the most dumbfounded expression. "Excuse me—what—_what_ did you just call me?"

"Erm… Well, I…I assumed…" he started to stumble all over his words, flailing his hands in various directions, trying to defend himself.

I was about to make a foul-mouthed remark when Haruhi swooped down to save the day. "No, Tamaki-sensei, Dai isn't a customer."

"Not a customer? Then why are you here?" a tall dude with black hair and glasses came by looking right at me.

This must be that Kyoya guy Haruhi was talking about. I looked right in his eyes, my sight unwavering. "I heard about Haruhi's predicament and I wanted to help."

"Help? What makes you think that we'll just allow you to help?"

"I'm a very stubborn person."

"If you want to help, why don't you just pay the debt in full?"

"Unlike you richy-rich dudes, I don't keep $80,000 in my back pocket."

"Why would you just keep $80,000 in your pocket?" one of the twins asked, smiling like the prick he is.

"Ever heard of a credit card?" the other twin added, laughing and high-fiving his brother.

"You know what I mean!" I shouted before turning back to Kyoya, who didn't seem very amused. "Anyway…can I help here or not?"

"I don't see any reason why you should," Kyoya said matter-of-factly.

"Now, Kyoya, there's no need to be so harsh!" said the blond—Tamaki—while floating towards me. He put a hand on my shoulder and the other on his chest as if he was playing a dramatic scene of Shakespeare. "This devoted friendship as moved me! As president of the Host Club, I shall let you help with Haruhi's debt as the Host Club's _second _dogsboy!"

"…Hurray…?"

"Yes! You'll start tomorrow!"


	2. What Is This Feeling?

**Wonderland**

**Chapter Two: What Is This Feeling?**

It was now the end of the week, so that meant that Haruhi and I have been the Host Club's "dog" for an entirety of that week. We've served customers, and the members, whatever they wanted and needed, whether be it tea, coffee or snacks. And, unfortunately, we've—"we" being "mostly Haruhi"—been the subject of their amusement, whether their intentions were innocent or otherwise. Though the twins' liked to tease us equally, Haruhi was Tamaki's favorite, and I found myself stopping by Hunny's and Mori's table more often than the rest. Hunny was the only one in the club who actively liked my multicolored hair and he even let me wear my hat I was talking about one day, and for that I was extremely grateful. His customers even got used to me after a while, and some even began to like my hair, asking what products I used and who does it.

"I actually got my hair done when I visited a friend in Brooklyn a few years back," I told them, setting down their cups gently before each of them. "Before I left, she told me how she mixed dyes and now I just do it myself."

"Do you visit America frequently?" one girl asked.

"I used to, but since I started school here I can only look forward to going for big holidays and to keep up with my citizenship."

"Citizenship? You used to live there?"

"I was _born _there, sweet-cheeks," I winked, making her blush and chuckle.

"So now there are _two _foreigners in the club!" Hunny exclaimed, having another cupcake from the platter I had brought.

"Two? Who's the other one?" I asked, curious.

"Tama-chan's French!"

"He's a Frenchman, huh?" I looked back at the mentioned drama king at his table. He was currently woo-ing a lady in an impressive tango dip. "I'm honestly not surprised."

"Oh, Haruhi and Dai!" I heard the twins sing from their table. "You are needed at our table!"

I rolled my eyes and looked back to the occupants of Hunny's and Mori's table. "It seems I am being summoned elsewhere. I bid thee fair maidens a farewell," I bowed to the ladies then turned to Hunny and Mori and gave them a salute. "See ya later, Hunny, Mori."

I turned away from them and met up with Haruhi at the twins' table. She was clearly not happy to be called to their table; it could only mean aggravation for her. Though they usually would call to us both, they liked to mess with her the most. They tried to get under my skin at first, but they didn't expect me to tease right back. No one gets the best of Dai, dammit. So, they just get to Haruhi, since she's just easier to annoy.

"Hello, ladies," I gave them a small bow of my head and a smile before turning to the twins. "What'chu guys want?"

They looked past me and directly to Haruhi. "Haruhi, we're bo-o-o-ored; entertain us!"

"I'm not some kind of circus clown!" the girl growled, balling her fists.

"_Anyway_," I interrupted before things got dirty. "Why did you call me here?"

"Oh, yeah," they pointed to an empty bowl in the center if the table. "We ran out of snacks."

"Be a dear and get some more for us," Hikaru—I think? I don't fucking care—ordered, waving his hand aloofly towards the bowl.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the bowl. I was on my way of leaving when the other twin added after, "And get us cookies this time!"

"Will do," I called back.

As soon as I was far enough away from the table, I heard the twins resume their teasing to the raggedy girl. I passed by Kyoya typing on his laptop and having casual conversations with his own customers and we gave each other a nod of acknowledgment. I slipped inside a room in the back of the third music room where we store the foods and drinks. I gently placed the empty bowl in a small stack of other crumb-infested bowls and took a bowl filled with small bite-sized sugar cookies from a tray before heading back outside.

XIII

Soon enough, all the girls left and hosting hours were over. Hunny went to take his nap and all the other hosts were sitting around and chatting amongst themselves. Haruhi was sweeping the floors while I, with the help of Mori, took all the plates, bowls and cups to the back room to be cleaned. After an hour we finally finished and Hunny woke up. I thanked Mori for the help before he went to Hunny and I to Haruhi.

"So, Haruhi, any place you know where we can actually study?" I asked; we haven't been doing much of that since we became part of the Host Club.

She exhaled heavily, probably recalling the events that led to both of us having to be here. "All I wanted was to find a quiet place for us to study..."

"Can't you study at home?" Tamaki asked, walking up to us with his hands in his pockets.

"Can't," I replied. "My house is too far and I don't have anyone to pick us up."

"And my dad brings his girls over during the day," Haruhi added. "He works at night."

"Oh...guess that puts a crimp in things," Tamaki remarked, rubbing the back of his neck. "He won't pay tuition either?"

Haruhi immediately shook her head. "No, that's not it... I mean, we're _okay_," she defended her father. "He just has money problems."

Seeing as this conversation was getting a bit too personal—and boring—I turned away to pick up my things. Just as I went back to Haruhi and Tamaki, I seemed to have walked right into something that could only be described as awkward. Tamaki was gripping the small girl's shoulders with a waterfall of tears just flowing from his eyes.

"...So _poor _that you might have been _sold _to a...a mean master who'd overwork you and leave you crying into your pillow NIGHT AFTER NIGHT?!" he cried.

"What the fu—"

"WHAT?! Where'd THAT come from?!" Haruhi yelled, unintentionally covering up my swear.

Tamaki took a deep breath and let go of Haruhi, trying to calm himself down. He took out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his flooding eyes. "Sorry," he managed to squeak from his sniffles. "I've been hooked on reruns of Oshin lately... You could be living it..."

"Not even close!" Haruhi exclaimed.

Then Tamaki's attitude suddenly flipped like a coin and he was soon glaring down at Haruhi with mysteriously-found determination. "Very well," he shouted. "I'll cut you a _deal_!"

"This... This does not sound good," I mumbled to the girl who replied with nothing more but a shaky nod.

Tamaki stood up straight and jabbed his finger toward Haruhi's direction. I shuffled a bit away from the girl, not wanting to be in the wake of the Frenchman's wrath. "You appearance makes the task all but hopeless, but I will do my best to teach you."

"What in the dark name of Cthulhu are you talking about?" I demanded to know, crossing my arms.

"Let's see, let's make it..."

"Oh, sure, just ignore me, _that's fine_."

"100!" he suddenly announced, bringing everyone's attention to him. "Yes! If you can garner a hundred customer requests, I'll waive your debt to the Host Club!"

"Whoa—WHAT?!" both Haruhi and I shouted, she more shocked than I.

"You'll be the star host for all girls who love Oshin!" he then quickly followed up with: "And Dai does not count as a customer in this deal!"

That day I saw a woman die of shear shock.

XIII

"Dai, what do I _do_?" Haruhi asked, her voice in a quiet tone of desperation.

We were in a far back corner of a public library nearby Haruhi's apartment, surrounded by walls of books I've stacked up on each other the moment we chose a table. Why? Because shut up. Shut up is why. We also had out our own books around us, not being part of the Great Wall of Books. Unfortunately Haruhi told me that we actually needed the books for studying. Yeah, she's crazy, I know.

I looked up from my notebook to her distressed look. "Just roll with it. It's a lot less work than running from one table to the next, mostly for the most mundane things," I told her, putting down my pencil and leaning back, crossing my arms over my chest.

"But I don't _want _to start hosting," she grumbled, laying her head on her books. "I'd rather dust, scrubs floors, _anything _but host!"

"Bu-u-ut..." I sang, pointing a finger toward her. "...you want to get rid of your debt, right?" I heard her sigh and groan from her position and I knew my answer. "Exactly. So just close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream."

"Thanks," she said, sounding anything but, sitting up and leaning her head on her hand. "Hmm..."

"Hmm...?"

"Do you think Tamaki would let you become a host, too?"

I shook my head. "Doubt it. I don't think the twins or Kyoya like me much. Sure, Tamaki got me to work with you on a dramatic whim, but I think becoming a host has to be a mutual agreement between all the other hosts, and the rest of the club actually like you."

She nodded, understanding what I meant. I think the twins just didn't like anyone who wouldn't put up with their bullshit, and Kyoya probably wasn't much of a people-liking person anyway. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, no point in fretting over it now; let's continue, okay?"

I nodded in agreement. "Okay. So, what does number 30 mean again?"

XIII

The weekend ended and so did another day of classes. It was a few minutes before the other hosts arrived, so Tamaki took this time as the opportune moment to instruct Haruhi how to be the proper gentleman. Right now he was teaching the basics on handling glass cups, and it's not going well, if I'm honest.

"I'm sorry to keep you wait—" Haruhi started, setting down an empty glass down on a table, emitting a pretty loud clang while doing so.

"WRONG!" Tamaki shouted, smacking a rolled newspaper to the back of Haruhi's head like a naughty dog. He then grabbed the glass from Haruhi's grasp. "When you put down your glass, _cushion it _with your pinky," he demonstrated himself, putting his pinky between the glass and the table. "You eliminate the harsh sound and thus show more grace."

Haruhi nodded. "Okay...and this is so you don't annoy the customers?"

"No—"

"Of course not!" I interrupted. "When is anything in this club done _practically—_or logically—Haruhi?" I saw Tamaki's annoyed pout to my rude interruption and only grinned mockingly.

"Dai, go make a list of things we are missing in the supply room, would you? Haruhi's on shopping duty today," Kyoya said from a table in the corner, not looking up once from his laptop.

"Fine, fine," I said, walking away in victory. I went to my bag and took out my Cheshire Cat pen and Mad Hatter notepad. I walked to the back room and made note of everything either low or run-out.

While doing so, I heard the rest of the members come in and prepare for hosting hour. Just as they set themselves in their poses before the door, I finished the list, ripped out the page and handed it to Haruhi. The moment she left, the first few customers entered and I went back to the supply room to get all that we _did _have and prepared them to be served. I grabbed a tray and headed toward the farthest table before setting it down before the hosts and customers. I continued this, setting trays to tables closer and closer to the room, until I put down the last tray on the closest table, Tamaki's table.

When I came by, one of the girls took notice of me. She had long, straight almond hair, a condescending smirk, and narrow, brown eyes which glared right into my non-existent soul. She took the cup of tea I had just served before talking to Tamaki, "I've heard, Master Tamaki, that you're raising a few kittens that don't have a proper pedigree..." It was like I wasn't even there!

My fingers twitched, but I held my forced smile. Wow, rude much? If this bitch were in alley cat territory, she wouldn't have a damn _mouth _to even finish that snarky remark. Even then, I really didn't care for her getting a jab at me—I gave her props for doing so to my face—but to Haruhi, who's not even here? That's just low, and it didn't help that Tamaki played along.

"Yes, they're real _mongrels_, and one of them's pretty hopeless"—I guess he was still sore about Haruhi not getting his instructions quite right—"But I couldn't just let the kittens fend for themselves, could I?"

"That's mighty big of you, Master Tamaki," the girl replied, giving him a small smile.

I resisted the urge to gag while setting down the bowl of snacks in the middle of the table. This was ridiculous. Just then, Haruhi came in with a large paper bag in one arm.

"Ah, the other kitten's back from shopping," announced Tamaki.

"Kitten...?" she muttered to me while I passed by, picking up the bag from her arm.

"You don't want to know," I replied, setting the bag down and getting everything out.

"Eh? What's this?" Tamaki asked, coming up from behind and picking up the container of instant coffee I had just put down.

"Coffee," Haruhi replied, not seeing the point of his interest. "It was on the list."

"But...ground coffee?"

"Can't you read? It says 'instant' right on the container," I pointed put, not liking where this was going.

"Instant..." he trailed off before exploding in excitement, rounding up the other hosts. "WHOA! The one you just pour hot water in?! How _proletarian_!"

"I've heard of it, but never _seen _it..." Kyoya muttered to himself, examining the container as if it was a dinosaur fossil and he was Dr. Alan Grant.

"I've always wanted to try a cup! Let's brew some up!" Hunny added, looking at the container in utter awe.

"So it's true! Poor people have no time to grind their own beans!" one of the twins joined in on the action, immediately followed by a remark from his brother: "It's how common folk _cope_!"

_That's it_, I thought before stomping my way toward the exit. "Okay! We get the damn point! I'll go buy the expensive shi—_stuff_!" I announced. "Jesus H. Christ!"

"No—wait, Dai!" called out Tamaki, stopping me halfway out the door. "I'll drink it."

At this, the room stilled...before suddenly rousing to congratulate Tamaki for his bravery, as if he had won the Battle of Troy single-handed (Helen of Troy being the instant coffee). I sighed, giving up, and just sat down next to an equally—if not more—irritated Haruhi. _Fucking rich kids._

"They're just messing around, you know," the girl from before muttered from across the table. She was muttering, but on account that the distance between the seats and the table were fairly small, both Haruhi and I could hear her clearly. "That stuff won't suit their taste at all."

"Excuse me?" I asked, wondering what the ever-loving fuck was up this woman's ass.

"Oh, sorry," _No you're not, you slimy cu— _"I was talking to myself."

Haruhi grimaced, sneaking a pinch to my elbow, trying to stop me from causing trouble. "A-hah..."

"Haruhi, Dai!" Tamaki called from behind. "Make us some of this common folk's coffee!" We turned around to see Tamaki gesturing to roughly more than half the room. "Everyone's keen to try it."

I sighed and got up. "I'll go find a coffee maker."

XIII

It took only a few minutes to make about 10 cups of coffee for every person wanting some. It wasn't called "instant" for nothing. After Haruhi poured the cups, I distributed them, and each person I'd given a cup to looked suddenly green in the face.

"Here you go," I offered to one of the girls.

She looked down at the hot drink, and then took it hesitantly. "I'm not so sure about this..."

"My dad will freak if he found out I drank this!" I heard another girl exclaim.

I went back to the table and started to clean up. Tamaki and Haruhi were beside me, watching the show of hosts and customers baiting each other to drink the coffee.

"I _refuse _to be responsible if they don't like it," Haruhi proclaimed, setting that statement to stone.

Tamaki snorted. "If they don't like it, huh?"

I didn't like that tone. I looked up from unplugging the coffee machine. "What do you think you're—?"

He suddenly teleported from his spot next to Haruhi to leaning over one of the indecisive girls. "Would you rather drink it from my _mouth_...?"

"N-no! A c-cup's fine!"

I cringed and gagged. "That's fucking gross," I muttered, the unplugged coffee machine in my hands.

"And unnecessary," Haruhi added with a nod.

"And now a toast—with instant coffee!" Tamaki announced, teleporting back beside Haruhi and putting a hand on her shoulder, holding a cup up.

I rolled my eyes and walked away to the supply room to put the coffee machine away. When I stepped back out, I was about to pass by that rude girl again, but I didn't, overhearing something said by her friend sitting beside her.

"Doesn't it seem wrong for Master Tamaki to drink such swill, Miss Ayanokoji?" the friend inquired. I swear it's like these girls didn't know how to whisper properly.

Seeing as this wasn't the best time to be rounding the corner while these two were sounding like they were plotting the world's destruction, I stayed put but the door, listening.

"Well...it's all part of a new project of his," the girl replied. "Though he may be overdoing it a bit with befriending those commoners."

I glared at her from my position. I really didn't like that girl; way too passive-aggressive for my taste. I'm going to have to keep an eye on her; I get the feeling that she was going to cause some trouble.

* * *

Dai was going to say "slimy cur," I swear.

**Special Thanks To...**

******xXDark-Fallen-angel **and **Winniethewubbzy **for following this story.

and** hello-totoro-ninja **for favoriting and reviewing!


	3. So Far

_Hello,_

_My name is Thirteen Thorns. I will be serving as a speaker and representative for S.S., your dear author, as they do not want to be victim to any of the readers' "evil eyes", as quoted. They also did not want me to say any of my previous statements, as they did not want to seem cowardly in front of any of you, whomever happens to be reading, which may be few._

_But anyway, this is a formal apology from S.S. They regret being absent for a dramatically long period of time and they hope that none of you have given up reading this, as it will be updating frequently. Unless they procrastinate, which will most likely happen._

* * *

**Wonderland**

**Chapter 3: So Far**

I walked inside the music room and saw the hosts setting up a table in the middle of the room. There were plastic grocery bags on the said table and a microwave plugged on a side nearest the wall, where an outlet was. I had arrived at the club room early, hoping to catch either Kyoya or Tamaki before hosting started, but I didn't expect everyone else to be there. Of course, me being there early meant that I had to miss a library trip with Haruhi, but this was important, and she understood.

I looked around the room for Kyoya. Tamaki may have been self-dubbed "king" of the club, but I felt Kyoya was more official and organized, much like a secretary. _Hopefully he can't read minds, because I have a feeling he wouldn't take kindly to being called a secretary, _I thought, finding said man sitting in the corner of the room, his laptop open in front of him. He was typing at the speed of light as I approached him, never stopping.

"You're early," he said simply, never missing a beat in his typing.

I nodded, hands in my pockets and giving a cursory glance over at the set-up at the other side of the room. Geez, it felt like I was asking a parent for money. "Yeah, I have to leave early, so I came early."

He nodded, continuing to type relentlessly. "You can start by by helping them over there."

"Alright," I said and walked over to Tamaki and everyone else. "So, Tamaki, what the hell is going on here?"

He looked up at me, shocked at my question. Dramatically, he picked up a large bag of instant ramen and declared, "Firstly, _language_," he glared. "Secondly, the second motto of the Ouran Host Club: a good man must be dedicated to extensive research."

I had an amused smile on my face. I understood what he was saying, but it was a tad too theatrical. I still had to ask, though, "'Second motto'? What was the first one? '_Language_'?"

He gave me a face. "_No_, it was: 'Be strong, distinguished, and elegant'," he said.

"Huh, I guess I missed that one," I commented, starting on unpacking the ramen from the grocery bags.

"I noticed," Tamaki said, with the Twins chiming in.

I laughed, brushing off the snark insult. Not wanting to be slacking off, I continued to organize the ramen packages in rows on the table. There were various flavors of ramen, and I sorted them alphabetically – most were common flavors, like chicken and shrimp, but some of these flavors confused me so much I thought I felt my head hurting and my stomach lurching.

I picked up one on particular. "Maruchan Yakisoba Beef Taco?" I wondered out loud. I looked at Tamaki for an explanation.

He shrugged. "It sounded exciting."

"Yeah, and I'm sure camping on the toilet for hours sounds as equally exciting," I muttered in English.

"What?" Tamaki asked, looking at me, suspicion etched in his glaring eyes.

I cleared my throat and shook my head, dismissively. "Oh, nothing, nothing..."

XIII

As soon as Haruhi walked through the double doors, I – and everyone else – were gathered around the table before Tamaki, who was holding up a packet of ramen.

"Listen up!" he started. "Today we investigate the ramen of the common folk!"

I noticed Haruhi's shell-shocked face and could offer only a sympathetic sigh. Meanwhile, Tamaki continued, "Each of you will make a different type!" He then made a motion towards me and jerked his head in Haruhi's direction, and elated grin on his face.

I nodded and walked up to the girl in question, a sash in my hands. "I'm so sorry," I whispered as I threw the sash over her head. She was too whip-lashed to coherently reply.

Tamaki spun and pointed directly at Haruhi. "I now turn your attention to our instructor!"

Haruhi eventually snapped out of her funk and, reluctantly, walked up to the table and opened the nearest instant ramen. Quickly, she read over the instructions on the lid before starting, "Here's one that takes three minutes," she set that pack down in front of Tamaki then pointed to the ramen that was assigned to Mori. "That one takes five minutes."

The twins had a quizzical look, "What's the difference?"

Haruhi didn't respond to them and I chuckled.

"Do I throw out the hot water?" Hunny asked, trying not to drown in the sea of ramen-related commotion.

Mori came back from heating up his ramen (I had removed the microwave from the table and to a small coffee table a few feet away). He showed Haruhi the results of his labor. "The seasoning's on the lid..." he muttered.

Haruhi and I stopped for a minute and looked at each other, sharing the same thought: _He spoke!_

Haruhi shook her head and replied to Mori, "Yeah, that can happen," she turned away to grab another ramen packet and lifted the block of dyed noodles and sprinkled the seasoning under it. "You can put the toppings under the noodles at the start."

Tamaki gasped. "Now that's skill!" he cried before holding Haruhi's face close to his. "How marvelous! May I physically express how _moved _I am?!"

I could only stare at the scene before me. My mind was a disgruntled mess. I didn't know what to do first: throw up or save Haruhi. Turned out, it didn't matter in the end, because Hikaru and Kaoru came marching along and eyed the pair with a critical eye.

"This doesn't look right, eh, Kaoru?" Hikaru said.

"Yeah, Hikaru, a poorly balanced equation indeed," Kaoru added.

I looked at them, not getting a good feeling on what they meant. "What the hell is _that _supposed to mean?"

"Glad you asked!" they sang, cynical smiles on their faces.

They both straightened themselves up before starting to explain. "Now, women _are _attracted to good-looking gay guys..." Hikaru started. I groaned. _I shouldn't have asked..._

"...It takes a pair of twins like us to crank that sort of thing up to the 'Maximum_ Danger Level_.'" Kaoru continued. I could only imagine Dr. Evil doing air quotes as this ginger-haired teen finished his sentence.

They shoved their way past Tamaki and stood on either side of Haruhi. They lifted her chin and bent low enough so they were just at her face. "To be loved by _two men _who have such a _close _relationship – ah, what stimulation!" Hikaru said before Kaoru finished with: "The _ultimate _romance, wouldn't you say?"

"No, I wouldn't actually," I answered, unamused.

I separated them from Haruhi. I felt the twins' stares at the back of my head as I fanned Haruhi's flushed face with my hands. "Well, you're a _guy_," they retorted. "You wouldn't understand."

I groaned and willed myself not to punch either of them in the face. Instead, I decided to be the bigger person and calmly explain, despite the needed ass-whopping they are in desperate need of.

"What you're doing is over-fetishistic toward homosexuality," I said, crossing my arms. "It's just as bad as homophobia, you know. And I don't even think you two are even gay!"

They only shrugged. "As long as we bring in the customers by looking the part," the first twin said before the second. "And _they _don't look the part."

I was about to send a stinging rebuttal when Tamaki intercepted. "So we're back to the problem of appearance..." he made his way to Haruhi and started to remove her glasses, muttering to himself, "These glasses visually enlarge your eyes, don't they? Let's see... Such old-fashioned specs, too!"

"They were my grandfather's glasses," the girl began to explain, "I had contacts, but lost them during the admission ceremony, so these glasses are only temporary."

She never got a reply. Tamaki seemed to have been too in shock to speak. It had seemed that he had stared down at the girl before him for over a minute. My hand was just at his shoulder, to check if he was okay, when he twitched, suddenly alert. He snapped his fingers.

"Hikaru, Kaoru!"

The brothers immediately came to attention, scissors and mirrors in their hands. "Yes, sir!"

"Kyoya, ring up the school tailor," Tamaki continued his string of commands. "Mori, fetch your spare of disposable contacts!"

"And us?" Hunny and I asked.

"You two..." he lingered in thought, "...eat cake!"

We sighed in defeat and did as we were told. We sat at a table in the corner – out of everyone's way. We sulked, ate and chatted, Haruhi's cries of protest being our ambient background noise.

It wasn't until Tamaki had shoved Haruhi in the dressing room, with a bag and a small contact container, that he called everyone to gather near Haruhi's dressing area to wait for her to come out. A minute had passed and I was already bored of waiting, so I got up from my seat and went to the Ramen Research Table to make some ramen to pass the time. The smell of broth and shrimp-flavored noodles drifted into the air when I opened the microwave. I took some chopsticks from the center of the table and stirred the foam cup of hot noodles as I walked back to the dressing room. I never had the chance of actually _tasting _the food, however, as one of the twins decided that he was more hungry than I!

"Thanks, Dai!" Hikaru (or Kaoru – I didn't care; they were both equally assholes at this point) exclaimed, taking the cup and chopsticks from my hands.

I couldn't react fast enough; my fist was already hitting the empty air where the boy's head used to be. Thankfully, my potential violence went unnoticed – as opposed to the ramen-thieving ginger-haired S.O.B. sitting with his brother, holding the white foam cup in his hands, a smug grin on his face. This kid was _begging _ for a beating, but before I gave the teen what-for, I heard Haruhi's voice come from behind the yellow dressing curtain.

"Uh, Tamaki..."

Tamaki's head perked up from his daze and grinned toward the curtain. "Are you finished?"

I heard footsteps approach the curtains, then saw slender fingers emerge from the edge of the cloth, gripping it then pulling back. All around me, everyone seemed to have been starstruck. I, on the other hand, could understand _why_, but did not feel the need to reciprocate. Don't get me wrong, I was impressed by how well Haruhi looked, but my reaction severely paled against Tamaki and the twin's tears of delight...which were unsettling.

Haruhi, never failing to be oblivious to everyone's reactions, looked down at the blue uniform in wonder and asked, "This uniform...is mine?"

No one bothered to answer, instead Hunny jumped and gave the confused girl a hug that had almost knocked both of them over. Fortunately, Mori had come to the rescue and removed his cohort from Haruhi's abdomen, though, that freedom didn't last very long, as Tamaki came to burst her personal bubble just as Hunny has left. He bent over just enough so that their faces were close, but he was far away enough so he could lift her chin up with his fingers.

"Simply_ lovely_," he gushed, "You know, you could almost be a _girl_!"

_Wait, what? What the flying fuck does he mean by that? _I was about to speak up, but I was just drowned out by everyone else's input.

"Pretty Haru!" Hunny shouted.

"You should have warned us about your face!" one of the twins called out, rubbing the back of his neck. I had the perfect comeback to that, but I didn't bother. He probably wouldn't have heard it over his apparent boner.

"Shall we test this fresh face on some customers?" Kyoya suggested.

"That's the next phase: To see what sort of patrons this guy appeals to!" Tamaki declared, scampering to the entrance and flung the dressing room door open dramatically. "Time to show off those sizzlin' hot looks!"

I groaned and put my face into my hands. After I had thought about my life and my life choices, I rubbed the irritation from my eyes and released my face from my hands. I saw everybody go into the main room to get into positions...all except Haruhi, who seemed to be regretting her life choices as much as I was. I sighed, feeling sympathetic for the girl. I walked over to her and she looked up at me with those big, brown, distress-filled eyes. I could only give her a small smile and pat her on the head.

"If it means anything, I actually kinda like your new look," I grinned. "It gives a new perspective on what you look like is you owned a comb!"

She didn't seem very amused, but she didn't fool me; I saw that small smile peek from the corner of her mouth in a split second. Sadly, her frown returned. I sighed and removed my hand from her head and looked down at her, trying to come up with something to cheer her up.

"Listen, girly," I started, catching her attention, "you owe a debt of 80,000 fresh ones. This new, clean look of yours will line the ladies to the first floor! And you already have a natural charm about you, so it won't be difficult at all to start up a conversation – unlike those losers outside who need some _shtick_."

This noticeably lightened her mood. "Really?"

"Oh, _yes_!" I exclaimed, patting her head again. "Now get out there or else Tamaki will make a scene."

Haruhi chuckled and went on her way. I saw Tamaki catch up to her and escorted her to her own station of chairs and couches and a coffee table. I closed the door behind me when I walked out of the dressing room and headed to the kitchen to ready the snacks. I opened a box of vanilla cookies and poured them into bowls. I checked the teapot on the stove to see if the water was hot. Hunny and Mori prepares their own tea before hosting starts, because Mori drinks a specific tea and Hunny thinks it's fun. So they make it themselves and leave the tea pot on the stove, boiling water, for me to make for everyone else. I organized a row of metal trays on a table. I placed multiple tea cups on the trays, filled them with fresh tea, and placed a glass bowl of cookies in the center of the trays.

I picked up one of the trays and used my hip to carefully ease the door open. Since Tamaki was closer, I stopped by his table first. As I was setting everything down, I noticed a familiar face giving me the hairy eyeball. _What the fuck is this woman's problem? _I tried not to say out loud, and not give the girl the satisfaction of giving her my own glare. I didn't want to start anything just yet, since Haruhi's nervous enough hosting for the first time. So with that in mind, I kept my mouth shut and continued on with my job.

I walked up to Hunny and Mori's table, not bringing a tray, but only a notepad. I had left their table for last, as I knew that just a bowl of cookies would not suffice the Hunny Base God. "Hey, Hunny. Hey, Mori," I greeted them before I turned to their guests, winking, "Hello, ladies."

The girls giggled and waved. "Hello, Dai!" Hunny replied, his natural positivity and glee making me feel chipper, despite that woman I had encountered again earlier.

"So, Hunny, what are you having today?"

Hunny's grin grew wider and I braced my writing hand for the onslaught of sweets I'm about to write. I wrote down each flavor of cake, each type of pastry and every proportion of everything mentioned prior. By the end of Hunny's list, my hand was cramped from writing so much so fast – but I lived, and that's what counts.

I looked at the senior. "You done?"

He laughed – the little shit – and nodded.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. I gave a last wave and wink combo to the ladies (and Mori, because I knew he wouldn't react and that was funny to me) and walked back into the kitchen. I knew Hunny wouldn't be able to finish his entire order in one go – despite the myths – so I would only bring him parts of his orders throughout hosting time. It's a wonder how he's survived so far in his life without diabetes. I shrugged off that thought and just served the underclassman's table.

I had just finished serving everyone and their guests snacks and drinks and I was leaning on a wall, watching Haruhi's progress and giving moral support. She was then bent below a customer's eye level, offering a cup of tea to the girl. Next thing I knew, Kyoya and the twins had fazed into existence on either side of me, observing Haruhi and commented on what they saw.

"Look at that," Hikaru – probably – said, "they're _taken _to him."

"They're responding well the the novelty," Kyoya remarked.

I scoffed. "You guys probably never had someone with genuine manners."

"Pretty much," Kaoru (?) replied.

I heard something rustle toward the right and turned to see Tamaki crouched behind on his sofa, peeking over the back to stare at Haruhi. One of his customers, who was sharing the same couch, seemed concerned. If that wasn't any more creepy, Tamaki's persistent glare sure took the cake.

I ignored him and looked back at Haruhi. I noticed that Kyoya and the twins had left my side to huddle around Tamaki. I sighed and decided to just hang around Hunny and Mori until the creepy ogling was over. I was welcomed with smiles and was offered a seat and a slice of cake. Hunny and Mori's station was right beside Tamaki's, so when Haruhi was told to walk up to meet the woman from before, I was able to observe the situation without rousing suspicion.

"Haruhi!" Tamaki exclaimed, "Allow me to introduce my regular, Miss Ayanokoji."

I rolled my eyes. _This woman is way more trouble than her name is worth._

Haruhi grimaced and forced a smile. "Pleased to meet you," she forced through her teeth.

"THAT'S SO CU-U-UTE!" Tamaki suddenly exploded, jumping from his seat and tackling Haruhi into a violent hug. "That embarrassed smile was just adorable!"

"AAAH!" Haruhi yelped, "Get off!"

Again, I was at a crossroads. The scene was both unfortunate and amusing, so I didn't know whether to try to save Haruhi again or just laugh. I found my answer as soon as I heard Hikaru and Kaoru's laughter; they were contagious and I couldn't help myself – let alone Haruhi – but to go in a fit of guffaw.

Haruhi must have seen that I wasn't going to be much help, so she reached out to someone else. "Mori, help!"

Quick as lightning, Mori zipped past everyone and just snatched Haruhi from Tamaki's grasp. Everyone, including myself, stopped what they were doing, frozen by how sudden the situation was. It wasn't long until the twins and I were laughing again. Through my tears of laughter, I saw Tamaki lift his hands up toward Haruhi, who was hefted onto Mori's shoulder.

"All right, return to daddy's embrace!" Tamaki called out.

"You're no daddy of mine!" Haruhi retorted, not wiling to be in the man's arms again.

This only made us laugh even more. I had to turn away to wipe the tears from my face, but when I did I saw Ayanokoji's face and I stopped. She had the ugliest glare I've ever seen on a girl. I averted my gaze before she saw me looking at her . The twins noticed my sudden mood change change.

"Something wrong, Dai?" I could only guess Kaoru asked me. I could only guess, since he had a softer tone in his voice and probably gave slightly more of a fuck to ask how I was doing. I don't know, but my personal headcannon was that Hikaru was more of a dick.

"Not yet, Kaoru," I muttered, just loud enough for him to hear, "Nothing yet."

I left the twins where they were, immediately gathering my things, preparing to leave. I motioned to Kyoya, telling him I was leaving, and I waved goodbye to Haruhi.

I had past the front gates of the school and headed toward the train station. I lived far from the station, and farther yet from the school. I made a mental note to figure out a way to sneak in my skateboard into the school, or at least explain my situation to administration, because walking this much everyday was getting my (expensive) uniform sweaty.

I had finally made it to the train. I slide my Rail Pass against the machine attached to the turnstile and passed through. I grabbed a seat, sighed and shrugged off my jacket. I lived in the more, erm... "less-privileged" area in town, and walking around in rich-school uniform wasn't a good idea. It was like holding up a rainbow-painted, glitter-dipped gay pride picket sign in the middle of west side Topeka, Kansas*! ... Too much?

Anyway, I folded the blazer jacket and stuffed it in my bag. I loosened the hem of my dress shirt from under my pants and unbuttoned the buttons on the cuffs. I let out a long huff of breath and got myself comfortable on the seat. It was going to be a while until my stop comes by. I thought about the time it would take until then and decided I would do my homework to just pass the time and so I wouldn't have to worry about it when I got home. I leaned forward and opened my bag to take out my papers and folders. I leaned back on my seat and swung my leg over my knee as a pseudo table and began.

XIII

I had just finished the last bit of math when I saw my stop come by. I quickly packed everything inside my bag and boarded off the train. Once I was out of the train station, I rolled up my sleeves, allowing the cool breeze brush past my bare skin as I walked home. I waved to some familiar faces and avoided some others completely. Before I went home, I passed by a small plaza. I needed to pick something up.

I walked out of the plaza and headed towards the apartment complex. I walked up to the second floor and into my apartment with a sigh of relief. I my hands I held a plastic container with a small cake inside. I had to request the frosting to say, "Happy Birthday, Auntie" in both English and Japanese a few weeks ago. The poor old woman at the bakery didn't know English and she had to call her son who was an International student in America to teach her how to write the letters. I gave her a little extra as a tip to thank her for the trouble.

The moment I closed the door behind me, I heard the aforementioned birthday girl stumble in the floor above me. I saw the woman skip down the stairs as I locked the door. She saw the cake and squealed in delight. In her glee, she ended up skipping the last step and tripped. Thinking fast, I managed to catch her with one arm, moving my cake-holding arm out of the way.

"You remembered!" she exclaimed, regaining her balance and relieving me of the cake.

"You say that every year," I tell her, walking with her to the kitchen.

"And yet, I'm always surprised,"she said, putting the cake down on the counter.

I didn't say anything to that and only shook my head. My aunt never had the best running jokes, but they were stupid enough for me to still laugh from time to time. Now that I think about it, she probably gave me most of her second-hand cheesiness.

"Oh, you got my favorite flavor!" she laughed, then gave me a playful glare. "Alright, what do you want?"

I laughed. "Well, I did see this great car while I was in the train," I trailed off, giving her the same look.

Her smiled only grew wider. "Well, I'm sure if I sell your organs on the black market, I'll be sure to afford a good car," she stopped herself and looked me up and down. "You just need to work out a bit, and gain a little muscle..."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up and just get the candles."

She laughed and opened a drawer and took out a few candles. I grabbed a lighter from the counter and lit the candles after she stuck them on the cake. The scene probably looked depressing and lonely, but my aunt and I didn't care. It was always like this; just the two of us. And we never wanted it any other way. I mean, who needs anyone else?

* * *

**Footnotes:**

* : I was talking about Westboro Baptist Church. I know, best joke ever, am I right? (No.)

* * *

_Again, S.S. apologizes for the lack of updates in the past year(s). They will be working on updating regularly. All they need is time and patience._

_Sincerely,_

_Thirteen Thorns_


End file.
